


Years to you

by 5thKooFamily



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:40:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28548021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5thKooFamily/pseuds/5thKooFamily
Summary: I feel numb yet no one knows about it.I feel sad but no one is there to comfort me.I feel tired and no one is willing to take me into their arms.You feel numb yet no one knows about it.You feel sad but no one is there to comfort you.You feel tired and no one is willing to take you into their arms.And, we met and collided....
Relationships: Goo Junhoe/Reader





	Years to you

I feel numb yet no one knows about it.  
I feel sad but no one is there to comfort me.  
I feel tired and no one is willing to take me into their arms. 

3 years ago.......

It took me 5 hours to research what this world seems like. It seems like a new era of modernization but no real faces are shown. This world where people are manipulating robotic machines and applications to make a new and better world for all of us. A new way of socialization where a person's life is manipulated to have a new and better life in this world. This world is named as roleplaying world.

In that span of 5 hours, I found out so many things in this world. From the things you need to use, the things you need to fix, the things you need to handle, and the things you need to be responsible of. Everything was new. The first thing that I learned about is an agency. It is basically your very own home. Your very own people and family to be treasured when problem arises. I was only 14 years old that time yet I already learned the world of adults where I regret these days as to why my curiosity killed me in such an early age. The first agency I've joined was an NSFW agency. Why did I joined it? To be honest, I wasn't too mature to even think about it that time. The admin was a Filipino role-player as well which probably influenced me to join them. It opened my mind so much to different personalities of people. I was Byun Baekhyun that time. EXO was really in the limelight in that era. They were so famous in this world that no matter where you go, there will be an EXO role-player. For that reason, a lot of girls seduced me in my own private space. Some were really tempting, to be honest. But, there will always be a time that no matter how appetizing a food is, you do not have any mood to taste anything. I am not cleansing myself with my sins because with all due respect, I am in an NSFW agency so sex is like a normal thing in there. Of course, I'm not acting like a virgin. In short, I did it with the girls in that agency. You'll meet a lot of them. As I've said, they all have different personalities. You can meet those girls that are really straightforward and will just jump on your lap all of a sudden. Those girls that acting innocent but they get so wild when you trigger them. Those girls that will dominate you because they have those kinky personalities that they want boys to be like their own pets or servants. In that world, I am honestly admitting I tried a lot of kinks already in just a few months. 

Day by day, life became so boring. Sex was like a normal thing for my eyes and ears at my teenage years. I became so bored whenever a girl seduces me probably because I did it for I don't know how many times already. Until, this boy came. It was Park Chanyeol. He was all goofy and hyper just like how a real Chanyeol is. Everyday, we hang out and make fun of each other. Wherever I am, he was there. Months after, a Filipino Red Velvet's Joy came into the agency. We were all goofing around at the same time. This Joy even seduced me as well in my private message and I do not know how it happened but, yes, there is something that happened between us. It was just a mere one night stand, if you may ask. Back then, I do not know what nationality is Park Chanyeol. I never asked because he is so cold in private message compared to public conversations. As the days passed, I was curious why Chanyeol is not talking to me anymore. Until, many members were cheering for Joy and Chanyeol to date already. When I checked on their accounts, I found out that they were conversing for hours with memes and stuffs. Memes with hears, to be specific. I felt weird but I am happy for my two friends. Love is something you develop unexpectedly and I should be happy for them. Until, weeks came after, I felt this feeling of loneliness and despair. When I see both of them interacting or when I see one of them mentioning the other; I felt a single bit of pain in my chest. I am so dumb to even ask the Filipino admin personally of what I'm really feeling. I told you, I was just 15 years old that time and I knew nothing of these weird feelings. The admin's character is Tiffany and she told me, "You are weird. Bro, you're damn jealous of them. Oh well, who knows, Chanyeol likes you. Confess to him first." I was dumbfounded. Is it really love? I know nothing about love. But, I was not mature enough to handle these feelings which made me decide to do such horrible actions. I tried to take Chanyeol away from Joy. I kept flooding him. I kept mentioning him. I kept thinking of whatever conversation I can make just to make Chanyeol talk to me instead of Joy. I became the antagonist of their love story in just a short amount of time. I did not know that selfish love can make me such an evil person. Just a few days after, I woke up from the message of the admin, congratulating a new couple which are Joy and Chanyeol. It was like a big ball of darkness engulfed my eyes. It was the feeling of anger more than sadness in me. And, I let my anger feed on me which made me throw some tantrums on him for no reason. He asked why but I don't have any words to say but curses. They said that moving on was the best way. I've became such a jerk for doing rough sex with the girls around me. I've became a total jerk for not even responding to them after sex. It was like a total madness that happened to my life. Until, someone told me to probably find some love from a different person. I've tried to find that stupid love yet we only ended up doing sex all the time. He is Choi Siwon. One night, Siwon asked me an unexpected thing. He asked me for nudes and I was really speechless. I was totally scared because I wasn't even inlove with that person. From then on, I've made a decision to deactivate my account and make another new account, a new life to be specific. 

I left everything. It was like a total bad history and memories for me. I never regret leaving that world because I've reflected and realized how embarrassing it was to be part of an NSFW agency. I tried entering an agency full of Filipinos only. It was a closed agency and no other followers could ever be in your followings except for the people in the agency. It gave me freedom to express myself more because this agency is more of like a general audiences agency that NSFW will never allowed or tolerated. I was happy because no matter what I tweet, no person would ever seduce you. I tried to be Jung Chaeyeon. It was funny to decide to be a girl all of a sudden. Probably, it was because my first ever experience as a boy was very traumatic. In the first two months, it was a total adjustment for me. It was hard for me to socialize. The people there felt like a total isolation. Either they have their own squad. They have their own world with their couple. It was hard but I tried my best and I did not expect it would be a total disaster for me. I was a hyper person all the time. But, everyone felt like it was a way of flirting with them. I was bashed in anonymous way. They kept pointing fingers on me like I was a total trash for being hyper (flirty) all the time. I felt so unwelcomed which made me leave the agency and went back to the International roleplaying. I did not change my account anymore. Why? Simple, I am not guilty of their accusations so why would I feel embarrassed? They should be because they treated someone like an animal and throwing me out like I was never part of the so-called family. I became a freelancer, it means that you do not have any agency or home. I felt so alone again. I felt angry all over again as to why I need to be put in a dramatic situation. It's been months that I did not get to talk to Chanyeol, Joy, and Tiffany again. That's when I made a big decision again to find Chanyeol, do not misunderstood; I do not like him anymore. I just want my friends back because it is really hard to find one in this world. It was too late, Chanyeol and Joy broke up already and Joy was left alone. Chanyeol left his account hanging but its been a month that he left this world already. I chatted Joy and I felt so much comfort on her maybe because we are both freelancers. We became the best of friends. We even talked about Chanyeol that he was a bad memory of Joy. 

Three months came, Joy and I were always chatting and mingling to whoever we see or met. Joy is a Yu Es Ti (Sorry I can’t say the original name of the university or I will be red tagged) senior student that is why we both understand each other. Until, one message came up in my direct message, it was Chanyeol. I was really shocked to see him. I do not know how it happened but months that Chanyeol was always talking to me in private. I was even cheering for Chanyeol and Joy to be together again. But, I am probably a snake. A living snake in this world. I fell for Chanyeol again and this time, I told myself to be honest with my feelings before I regret everything for not telling him the truth just like before. I confessed to Chanyeol one night but he rejected me. He wants us to stay friends. I just told him not to distant himself while I move on. Days came, I became so busy for I do not remember what reason. It was not forced but I was really busy in real life and I do not have any chance or time to roleplay. I was really shocked when I went home one afternoon and Chanyeol was really flooding me a lot. I even joked, "You missed me kno?" I got trapped with my own question when he answered, "Yes orz, are you leaving me already?" Back then, I was controlling myself not to feel fluttered at all because I know he doesn't have any feelings for me. I joked again and told him, "I am sorry. I am just busy preparing for a date with someone." I was hiding my smile and waiting for whatever he was about to reply. He was suddenly sulky and I was all of a sudden being flirty and poking him and there, asking him if he is jealous. His answer changed everything between us when he answered, "Yes". I cannot believe when that word came from his mouth. Skipping those cheesy lines, he asked me to date him and I said yes. Skipping again those cheesy times. Weeks had passed and I suddenly found out that Joy blocked me and Chanyeol. I used my personal account to stalk Joy and she was tweeting a lot of betrayal tweets. I admit my fault for betraying our friendship and I know how much anger it builds up in someone when they find out that their ex is dating their friend. It was just a big regret for me to ended our friendship that way but, it was all done and I cannot go back or change anything anymore. 

Life with Chanyeol was a big rollercoaster ride. Through this world, I was already understanding these kind of statements about love. It was not always happy. And, it was not always sad too. But, it was hella frustrating. Waiting for him was nothing for me at first because I am actually a very patient person back then. It was hard for me to handle him, to be honest. He was always depressed and when he is triggered, he pushes me away. He often tells me to just break up and find somebody else better than him. I stayed. Stayed. Stayed. Stayed until I felt numb from the word "miss". We hit our first year together and he proposed to me which made me really happy because I thought that one day, he will suddenly just tell me to break up for real. I was really excited to prepare the wedding with him. Chanyeol and I are in the same agency for months already and I can really say that without the agency members, I won't can't probably take it anymore with how Chanyeol treated me. But, because of them, I really felt the family. It was me, Jaejoong, Candy, Psycho, and more and of course, Chanyeol was included in that. However, one night, I tried to slightly seduce Chanyeol. it's been months that he was very distant and not even doing skinships with me even kiss or hug. We were already in the climax when he suddenly said, "Stop". Of course, I was really shocked. I thought I did something wrong or made probably made him so disappointed. But, he suddenly just told me, "I am sorry. I am just not used to this anymore. I'm really sorry". I just said, "It's okay. We can start like new lovers again if you want". But, his words changed everything again and made me disappointed of him, "Baek, I think we are making things fast. Let's postpone the wedding, please". At that time, I was having a cold feet like I'm starting to question myself of what was really wrong. If somehow his love is starting to vanish like a bubble. I immediately told him, "I understand if are having second thoughts. But, if you have problems, you can tell me anytime. I am always here for you and let's start anew". He did not replied anything again and I supposed that he was tremendously busy with university classes. I waited for two months without any communications at all. Taeyeon, my bestfriend and part of the agency as well, told me to stop waiting and that I'm just hurting myself too much. I never wanted to ask for a break-up because I always have this mindset of relationships could always be fixed through communication. But, there is so much people around me who is trying to bang my head just for me to wake up my senses that he probably won’t go back anymore. It’s when I realized that they are telling the truth.

I told him that I can't wait for him anymore and I'm tired of feeling so unlove. I do not know what happened but one day after that, he told me he was sorry because he was on vacation. 

One of my mutual friends with Chanyeol comforted me, he was Byun Baekhyun too like me. His boyfriend, Sehun, our friend too broke up with him days before me and Chanyeol broke up. Baek was cheering me up all the time until he told me to act like boyfriends and I said, “Are you selfcest? I’m a Baekhyun too, woy” He said that he will change to Sehun, then. We just acted like a couple until weeks came that it just became true. He is my bestfriend and I guessed that time that it was good to always date someone who is your bestfriend because you both know each other so well. He told me to check up his account for something that I badly don’t remember anymore. I never logged out because I’m still not trusting him since he was really flirty to anyone. Until, one night, I realized that he was really flirty to this Sehun roleplayer. I was curious because he changed back to Baekhyun so I was really curious why. Checking his dm, I found out that they were kissing and doing sex behind my back for days already. I got so mad and kicked him out of my life. I never tolerated cheating. I will never ever like cheating. I will always hate cheating. He tried pursuing me again but I deactivated my account.

I changed my muse to Somi and started to flirt with other people. I was deprived of love and affection that I admit, I was really wanting so much hugs and kisses from anyone. I liked Jaejoong but he rejected me so I moved on after that. I was really deprive of affection which made me want to cling to anyone. Until, Produce 101 was a big hit and I got addicted of Kang Daniel. All I think of was to cling to a Kang Daniel. When suddenly a friend of mine changed to a Kang Daniel and started flirting with me. I tried but it turned out I was in hell. He never wanted to kiss me. He never wanted to even hold my hand. He did not want to hug me at all. He appears every after 2 weeks. I thought I was a big joke on him. But, I was still stupid to stay and still wait for him. I just found out that I was suddenly added in a new group direct message. At first, I was really confused why I was added in there. Until, someone was explaining that it was a surprise proposal of Chanyeol to another Baekhyun. I was really confused why I was there because of all people, why his ex should be part of it, right? But, then, I'm still a nice guy who should do the job or I'll look so bitter if I would not. It was a successful proposal, of course. They look so happy. I felt like I did not have any friends too, anymore because they were all hanging out with Chanyeol instead of me. So, I realized that I do not have any space in their family or world and deactivated that account when Daniel did not come anymore after three months.

Psycho got mad at me for suddenly leaving the agency. I did not know that leaving the agency would make him so mad. It was ridiculous. I thought it was because I was one of the competitive members back then. Jaejoong left the agency and after that, I left too. Maybe, it was the one that made Psycho felt so much anger and frustration. I did not left for nonsense reasons. It was to just breathe in so I would not feel so suffocated for what happened. 

For a year, I rested and found a Philippine closed agency again. It was not the old one but a new agency I just found through research. I stayed there for a year because I kinda found a new family in them. I was Lai Guanlin that time. It was weird that I was very hyper yet my character was a bit classy in actions. But, everyone accepted me. Until, I met this NCT member (I do not remember his character). I think he was Jungwoo? I only remember that he is a NCT member. We lasted for a short time because I do not know what happened but he just suddenly vanished away after a month. He said he was so busy so I still waited. But, when I got fed up from waiting and broke up with him. He just said that he graduated and was just really apologetic for everything.

Christmas came and I felt like it is a month of forgiveness and apology. I tried to find the accounts of Psycho and Chanyeol to say sorry for whatever happened back then. Psycho was so arrogant and just said, “Fine” to me when I made him a long ass letter of apology. In the case of Chanyeol, he said sorry to because back then, he chose to add me in that surprise proposal to make me jealous. But, he did not realize that it will made even our friendship broken. I chose to leave the Philippine agency again because the squad of Jungwoo badmouthed me behind my back. They kept saying bad things about me and I just felt so alone again and chose to go back to the International roleplaying in the face of Koo Junhoe.

At that year, Koo Junhoe was my face claim for so long. But, the first years was hard for me. It was a big adjustment because I totally made a new account without any trace of people in my past years. In short, I really made everything from scratch including my squad. But, I felt so lonely in just a few months. So, I joined my old agency and met Taeyeon and Jaejoong again there including Psycho. I tried to contact Chanyeol again but he was busy reviewing for board exams. I even told him to just forget the past because in my first year of medicine, I felt everything that he felt before. All the depression in him, it all came to me like a big karma for me to reflect on my life. Like him before, I was crying everyday and every night after school. I guess home sickness was part of it. I missed my family and my cat so much that I felt so alone in my four cornered room dormitory. The room felt so cold like my blanket could not even do anything to comfort me. The trash can would always be beside me so my tissue papers would easily be thrown from wiping my own tears and colds. Chanyeol just told me to go to psychiatrist because it was a thing that he badly wanted but his mother did not allow him. At first, I was really having second thoughts because my university would never allow and tolerate depression and they would badly try to eliminate you just for your depression to be removed. Secondly, mom was clinically depressed 2 years ago and I know how badly it would make her worry if she finds out that I’m drowning from tears every night. 

My college department was a complete trash. The dean, the professors, and the whole University I consider them all trashes. If we do not reach a gwa of 2.0 or 88 in every semester, they would expelled us from the university. The whole Philippines is seeing our own department as like royals because we are in the most famous medicine school in the Philippines. Contrary to that, they never knew how badly the university treats us just for their own reputation and image. There are so many suicidal cases in this university. But, everything are wiped totally from media because the university pays the media millions of money so nothing would be published to what is really happening inside the university. If ever there is someone ranting or creating commotion and chaos in the online world about the university, they will track them down including their IP address until they find the identity of the person. Either they are suspended for a week or worst, expelled from the university. I was not able to speak to anyone. I was so afraid that mom and dad would just nag at me for feeling this way. I cannot speak to my college friends because I know that they are more depressed than me. 

I was badly pressured. So pressured that I felt so suffocated everyday. I kept studying but I always keep on failing even the most easiest quiz in a day. I bought food for dinner but it was not eaten because the tears from my eyes became my sole food for the night. When I just cannot take it anymore, I called mom and just cried so much to her. Mom is weaker than me, I know that. It’s what I am afraif of as to why I do not want to cry infront of her. She would break down more than me when she sees me crying like a mess. I always be the one who acts tough and strong for her in our family. 

Jaejoong knew how lonely I was and introduced his friend to me. It was just a big bunch of flirting that made me and Yeeun together. She was really nice and I did not even ask for anything because she was really patient especially that her timezone was so different from mine. I am already sleeping yet she is already having her lunch. It was a daily routine of trying to communicate with each other

I was still depressed and probably, it would take a long time for me to recover. Yeeun knows that and I am badly feeling so guilty for always not appearing because I am busy with lots of exams in the university. Everyday, laboratory experiments, reports, manuals, quizzes, practical exams and major exams is not even included to that but, those were all my daily routine. Sleep was not even part of my routine because I will surely be expelled if I will sleep. 

Until, one night, I felt like my head is banging so much. My whole body was so heavy that I could not even stand up anymore. Slowly, I placed my hand on my neck and finding out that I was im a very hot temperature. I am living alone in my dormitory so if ever I’ll get sick, it will all be on me to take care of my own self. I tried to stand up and took my temperature and it was 39 degrees Celsius. I already forgot that I’ll have two exams the next day because my priority is to get well since I won’t be able to enter class if ever I have fever. I rushed to do sponge bath on myself and left a plastic beside me in case that I will puke all of a sudden. I called mom immediately and it was already 11PM so its so impossible for her to rush to my dormitory. I told her that I already took medicine and I will just sleep to get enough rest. 

2 hours later, I woke up to puke in the plastic. My environment was spinning and I checked Mom’s messages were all signs of worry and frustrations that she can’t go to me. I thought it would be the end but I was not able to sleep again becsuse I kept puking. As a medical student, I know how important it is to count how many times you puked already. So, around 4 AM, I puked for 7 times already. Nothing is coming out from me already except fluids. In a medical condition, 7 times puking is already bad because it is a sign of dehydration. I was so scared to get hospitalized because I was so busy those times. So, I immediately made some hot water for me so my stomach and throat would calm down. My fever was still high because every hour, I was checking my own temperature. I did not care anymore if mom was sleeping but called her already because it was really an emergency. 

Mom was so worried and told me that she would rush to me at 8AM. So, I tried to sleep while there is some ice pack that I made on my forehead for the fever. I even put cotton balls poured with alcohol on my armpits because it was an effective way of lessening the fever. Around 7AM, I woke up again with a bad headache and puked again that time. If I’ll count the total that time, I puked for 10 times already and I’m so sure that my body is so weak from dehydration. Mom brought me breakfast but I just forced myself to eat them because she was nagging at me. I really do not have any appetite at all because my stomach was so bad those times. Around 11AM, Isha visited me and I was so weak to even speak but she was there to accompany me because mom went to bank nearby my dormitory to pay bills. 

Around 1PM, I puked again while Isha was there. She was worried of me, too. But, I said, “I’m okay. Don’t worry”. It was my 11th time to puke. Isha went to class after that. Mom went back, seeing my kinda having red cheeks and gloomy eyes while lying down on bed. She checked my temperature and confirmed that I was having a high fever again. At that time, she did not wasted anytime and brought me to my university clinic. That clinic was a free health service for all students. They immediately put me to bed because my whole environment was really spinning. Around 15 minutes after, the doctor told me that my condition was serious because it was my 13th time to puke already. (I puked before me and mom went to the clinic and puked again while I was in the clinic). The doctor called a nurse and a wheelchair to immediately sent me to the Emergency Room of Yu Es Ti Hospital. (It was beside the University Clinic or Health Service). 

The doctor signed a consent and the emergency room immediately placed a dextrose in me so my body would be hydrated again. My body cannot take any food even water anymore so the only way possible is through IV fluids. Definitely, I will need those IV fluids because I was puking in a severe nth time already. My family has a medical family doctor in Yu Es Ti hospital so gladly, he was there to check me up and asked to do multiple tests on me. At that time, Dengue was famous for patients so they thought I have Dengue. But, I was Negative for Dengue virus. They could not see any disease in me. I even made so much MRI and CT Scan incase there is a problem in my brain. But, there was none. 

I stayed for 7 days in the hospital. Yeeun knows even my whole mutuals that I was hospitalized. The hospital cannot solely diagnose what’s really wrong with me. Later on, they suspected I was immunocompromised patient. Meaning that my body was so weak and my body suddenly shut down from too much stress and shock.

At the time, I have also knee injury that I got when I was ski-ing in New Zealand. So, I was having therapy classes too for knee so my mom told my physical therapist that I was confined in the hospital. 

My physical therapist told me after that mom cried to her because the hospital do not know what’s happening to me. I made my mom so worried and I do not even know how to become okay. After a week, I was brought home so I could rest and not in my dormitory. But, the night came and I puked again so bad and I was rushed back to the hospital and stayed for 3 days more. 

My classes? To be honest, I do not know anymore. My classmates told me to just take care of myself first. My college friends visited me when I was in the hospital and told me to just take special quizzes for my abscences. But, little did I know, it was hell for me when I came back. I immediately told all professors that I was hospitalized but no one let me to take any special quizzes. Just because the grades will be passed soon. I just folded my fist from frustration and anger. It’s like even sickness could not be enough reason for them to allow me. 

A week later, the grades was posted in our portal. It was a big shock for me to see 61 in my grade for preliminaries. I never... got 60+ ever in my life. The professor just told me, “Do well next time”. Squinting my eyes on her, I cussed her so much in my head. It was her fault for not letting me take a special quiz. 

In that case, I badly cried again so much because it is Parasitology. It is a subject that will be hard for me to do well because it is a board exam subject and finals would be a cover to cover examination. I tried hurting myself until I saw my reflection in the window. I looked so messed up while crying and hurting my wrist. I immediately called Mom, “Ma, I can’t take this anymore. I badly want to go to a psychiatrist.” She immediately asked an appointment the next day. I broke down infront of the psychiatrist and he gave me anxiety pills I can take every night. 

My mom talked to me while we were in a fast food chain. I was just looking at a window with my puffy eyes fresh from the psychiatrist’s tingling conversation with me. “Anak, do you want me to drop you from your classes this semester?”. The question was so clear to me that I could not even speak and my tears just went down again while I’m still looking on the window. She sighed, “Your papa is going home soon. He will talk to you and tell us what you want to do. It is your decision, nak.” I just nodded my head and drinked my coke zero drink. 

It was still hard for me while I was waiting for Papa to go home to Philippines. But, I admit that the anxiety pills was really helping me a lot. It’s been a month already that I was not crying anymore. And, whenever I fail my exam, the pills probably helped me to not feel anything but to just accept how it is. The pills helped me to become a new person and told Papa that I’ll try to continue my classes without dropping out. So, I just gathered all my books and notes every night and just kept focusing on my review. Until second shifting happened, that 61 became 87. Even my college friends were amazed how I stood up again after that break down.

Yeeun? I broke up with Yeeun because I do not want her to keep waiting. I was healing myself and she will just get affected of how messed I am because of my depression. I quit roleplaying too and told everyone that I hoped someday we will all meet again. I told all of them that whenever they need someone to talk to, just find someone and vent it all out. It’s good that way. 

Christmas came and I was still not appearing in roleplaying world. I was just enjoying the holidays with my family. January came and my pills really helped me a lot because I came back to my old self that was always smiling and laughing. February came and even if I am stressed, I was just enjoying everything with the help of those pills. The pills will end on March and my psychiatrist told me to go back on March so he could check me up again.

But, no one will ever expect something big will happen to the world. On February second week, 10 positive cases of Coh Bid in the Philippines which tremendously gave fear to everyone in the university since we have our own hospital inside. The national government immediately suspended all classes for a month. The national government was really idiot. They said, “We will not have any travel ban unless the cases increased to 500”. In just 3 days, the cases really went up to 700 already. The Department of Hea l th immediately asked for a lock down but the country was not ready for any quarantine measures. 

Manila was so centered of Coh Bid and my university decided to just make the classes full online because there are 5 Coh Bid patients confined in Yu Es Ti Hospital.

Of course, we were all so happy at first because it was like an early vacation. I decided to come back to the roleplaying world because I felt like I was already okay. When I came back, it was like a big bang to me of course because it’s like no one was there anymore except Chanwoo and Song Hyung. 

Chanwoo was already engaged and he asked me to become his best man so I agreed. I decided to date again this someone who confessed to me from 97 group dm, G-idle Miyeon. She was that hyper kid too and I was that hyper kid as well. But, then a few weeks came later, I suddenly got so busy again and when I came back one night; she was so close to her brother. I kinda got possessive and asked her who is he and of course, she said brother. I just let it pass until someone told me that Miyeon was always talking to that guy privately.

I do not know how that person got their private messages but this person sent me screenshots of sweet messages of that guy and Miyeon. I confronted Miyeon but she was still in-denial of it. I broke up with her because I got cheated already before and I hate it so much. 

She was so mad at me for breaking up with her. Until, I found out that she told everyone in the 97 group dm that I cheated on her. I was so mad and I do not want to defend myself anymore because I know that those people likes her more than me and they will side her. So many people tweeting bad things about me in my timeline. “Cheating will never be tolerated. We thought that this guy was nice but it’s totally wrong”. That was mostly the tweets in my very own timeline. It’s like I’m seeing a lie and the only people who knows the truth are silent. I got so fed up. I chose to make another account to rest and let that Junhoe account hiatus until further notice. 

I made this Kang Daniel account and even put “non dating” on my profile so no one would flirt. Even, I did not want to flirt anymore because I’m still mad about Miyeon. In just a few days, I don’t understand why I get so many people in my direct message when I just really do updates about Kang Daniel. But, this one person, Lisa, really get on my nerves. She is “JFB” and she always tell me, “Date me. I’m beautiful, right?”. I even told her, “I like Kim Sejeong more” so that she would go away from me. 

But, it was hella frustrating for me when suddenly a Kim Sejeong messaged me. Unexpectedly, it was still her and said, “Now, you can date me”. I really got mad and just rested that account for two weeks. I did not roleplay for three weeks too and decided to come back again after to check if she is gone. When I came back, I just did updates and tweeted, “Hello”. I do not know but this Sejeong probably turned on my notifications because she immediately messaged me that I am back. That is when I made such a horrible mistake and just said, “Okay, I will date you”. I put her on my profile and without any say, I just left the account hanging. It was so bad of me and I know how karma will hit me again. But, I never liked her, I do not know even anymore how could I push her away when she does not even budge when I get mad at her.

I came back to Junhoe again. I softblocked all the people who did not want to be friends with me again. I was automatically kicked out of 97 group dm because I blocked Miyeon. Again, I tried socializing again until I met this girl, Kim Sohye. She was really that ideal social butterfly person. I do not know how it happened, but we clicked together for days. Until, probably, our hormones were raging and we suddenly did sex that night and the next day. It’s been months that I never did it that’s why. Probably, a year that I didn’t do it even her so that is why we got so wild all of a sudden. 

We tried 72 hours and it went fine. But, for most couples, the first month was really fun for everyone. It was different for me and Sohye. She suddenly changed so much after we dated. She wakes up at 9PM and will sleep again at 12AM. Sometimes, she will play in her agency without talking to me then she will sleep again after playing. Sometimes, she will chat me but it is 4AM so I’m already sleeping. No one knows it except my twin, Junhoe and his boyfriend, Kim Jinhwan. They know what’s really happening to me and Sohye. Jinhwan told me to be just patient because maybe Sohye is experiencing something. I followed his advice and waited for Sohye. After two weeks, she chatted me, “I need to take hiatus. I just need to get myself again”. I agreed to her because maybe she is just really experiencing something. 

It’s been a month and it’s our first monthsary, I made her a gift and to be honest, my only wish that time is to see her because its weird that we never saw each other again after she told me she will take hiatus. She showed up on our monthsary but after an hour, she went away again and never chatted me again. I know she is online because my twin is her agency-mate and Junhoe kept on screenshotting funny convos of their agency’s group message. Sohye was replying there. But, she never showed up to me. After few days, she told me we can fix our relationship and she’ll do her best to change. But, she didn’t reply again after that time. 

I placed my phone behind my pillow so that when it buzzes, I’ll wake up and see her at 4AM. I was right, she really messaged at 4AM. She told me that she does not want to date anymore and said goodbye to me. She did not listen to my words anymore and just completely removed me from her profile. I felt nothing because I think I was really falling out of love from the way she treated me. 

I became NSFW again and went to having one night stands with anyone from bases. I just got too much emotions from this world again because of those girls. After two weeks, I decided to flirt with someone. She was just game for anything. I admit I am really trying to find true love with anyone because I am so jealous of my friends who really found their true love. 

Sooya introduced me to her friend, Lisa. She asked us to try 72 hours because we were both lonely. Sadly, it did not work at all because Lisa did not want to continue anymore so Sooya was so apologetic of me.

I got a bit of drama together with Jaejoong, Johnny, and Mark about Psycho issue. It was a hell of a big problem that I probably do not want to go back anymore. But, it was an issue about the agency and his games. He did not want to work with us anymore and badly taken all of his games. He even said that he does not want to ever see us trying to play one of his games because its his originality. That’s what he said and we just made a new agency and left him. Fortunately, all members did not join him but instead, joined us even the former admins who quitted before.

I decided to date Rosé. It was fine. She went on online and offline for every 15 minutes. When I ask her where she is, she just say, “Just there”. I just do not ask anymore when she was like that because I felt like she does not want to tell me any details more and I respect that.

I badly want to work the relationship so bad because it felt like karma is hitting me so much. When I feel bad, I just did not say anything anymore. Until, one day it was our first monthsary, in the morning we were very happy and she even made a gift for me. But, I was surprised that she did not appear anymore even at night time. 

12AM, she suddenly appeared again sending a very long message to me. A message of break up and said that she has a boyfriend in real life already and she will leave roleplaying world soon. Of course, it hurt so much but what can I do? It’s her real life and I cannot ever become hindrance. But, I was really really hurt so I kept on tweeting that I feel so bad and frustrated for being so unlucky in love. Until, Moonbyul suddenly messages me privately. She is one of Rosé’s mutual friend. She said that Rosé did not left roleplaying world and just had a new boyfriend in another account. 

I do not listen to such gossips easily so I asked her where is the account for proof. She sent me in just an hour and I stalked that account. It was a Nancy account and she was using it way before she met me. I even saw her tweets about me that she badly want to kick me out of her life because I’m getting so emotional from the break up. I told this to my Philippine Squad, SOTP, they said that I should try messaging that Nancy so she would be shocked.

I did that and it made Nancy mad. It was what Moonbyul said to me that Moonbyul’s friend was the ex of Nancy/Rosé. She said that Nancy always act like a victim even if she was the sole reason why they broke up before. She always tells bad things about her ex so she would look pitiful to the eyes of everyone. It became like that for me. She really made chaos and acted like I was a bad person. It made SOTP and Dom (Chanyeol) mad for having a bitch ex. 

I just blocked all of her accounts. Until, 2 days after that happened; I was curious of what she was badmouthing. Then, I found out that she has a new boyfriend. She told me that she would not have any boyfriend anymore because of her boyfriene in real life and she would leave roleplaying world. But, I guess everything is just bound to happen and I’m the sole loser for all. 

Back to the present times....

I feel numb yet no one knows about it.  
I feel sad but no one is there to comfort me.  
I feel tired and no one is willing to take me into their arms. 

I was really sad. I was so suffocated and badly do not believe in love anymore. I did not have any people to talk with because no one was probably interested with my love or life problems. 

I made a menfess of asking people to comfort me because I’m just really in pain. Many really replied my menfess and I tried to talk to everyone in there. Some just listened and did not come back anymore after a day. Jihan just sends me comforting messages and leaves me soon. Sooya keeps on sending me menfesses to comfort me. 

But, one really stayed all the time beside me. It was Minju. At first, I hesitant to be close to a girl because I’m afraid things would get so chaotic again and would not reciprocate any of my feelings. But, all of my worries and frustrations were changed because of this girl. 

This girl who is now

My girlfriend

My forever

My everything

My life

My wife

Soon.... the mother of my kids. 

\- THE END - 

Ps. I might add a few chapters to explain our love story so you will know what really was in my heart during our dating days and during us being brother and sister.

HAPPY 5TH MONTHSARY TO MY BEST GIRLFRIEND! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I OFFER YOU MY LIFE AND MYSELF AND NOTHING ELSE MATTERS EXCEPT YOU.


End file.
